I hope this message finds you well. This morning I read an incredibly disturbing article that put my antennas up, so I felt responsible to relay the message. You can read the article shared at the end of my message, but I include a lot of the alarming stats and some tips that I’ve learned along the way.

As parents and caretakers, we are guardians of our young girls and their minds. So it’s important that we recognize that we face unique challenges in navigating the digital frontier. This frontier is proving very hurtful and sometimes even deadly. In many ways we are sending our girls out into this wilderness and in many cases it is destroying their mental health.

Now, I’m not a doomsdayer so rather than tell you it’s a lost cause, I thought I’d share a few simple tips and some crucial advice I’ve picked up along the way that may help you navigate this wilderness with caution and thoughtfulness. 

Let’s be honest….I haven’t done this perfectly myself, and in most cases I’ve had to redirect and change course on a regular basis. I’ve also had to fight my girls (figuratively) and gain support from my wife and even my church in order to make change, but I promise you it has been worth it.

Here we go:

First, I encourage you to consider slowing down when it comes to giving your children devices and access to social media. 

As Sissy Goff from Daystar Ministries wisely says…and I’m paraphrasing….”You don’t want to be the first, and you don’t want to be the last.” The reality is stark—ER admissions for self-harm among 10- to 14-year-old girls have quintupled since 2009. Caution is not an overreaction. It is a necessity!

Whatever you thought was a good time to give your daughter a phone and access to social media from there, consider pushing it back.

Slow down! 

I know there is a convenience in giving our girls access for communication purposes and a real temptation to follow the crowd, but resist the urge to do it just because everyone else is.

Second, if your child needs a cell phone for utility purposes, delay social media engagement as long as possible. Studies show that self-harm ER admissions increased by 42% among 10- to 14-year-olds between 2020 and 2022 which is an increase above and beyond already disturbing trends in mental health for our young girls. And the consistent theory is that social media is the driving force of these alarming stats.

You might not feel cool and your daughter might feel even less cool (and she will let you know that, as my daughters have with me), but delaying social media engagement can significantly help lower the harmful risks to your daughter and her young mind. Your delay of social media will allow her to mature emotionally before facing the pressures of criticism, comparison and a large gateway into destructive conversations and content. Bring the label of being an uncool parent back into a fad, just like we experienced with our parents :). Our girls’ minds and hearts are at stake.

Finally, once your daughter does have a device and any kind of social engagement on it, it’s imperative to build incredibly healthy relationships with them regarding their use. 

Make sure they understand that these devices are a privilege and can be taken away. Emphasize that it is your phone they are using.

Consider a family-wide device and social media fast. You could start with a day where all devices go on the countertop, including yours! If that sounds like a lot, start with a few hours and certainly remove devices from your meal times. Start creating habits that force your family to be in control of what could easily be controlling you.

Don’t allow devices in bedrooms or consider at least removing them from bedrooms at night.

I’m still learning myself, but my family has begun to build healthy rhythms. Having engaged in social media and device fasts with my family and four daughters, I can assure you, it will help your daughter realize that the world in front of her is so much bigger and more beautiful than the screen. With the average teen spending nearly 5 hours a day on social media, your ability to guard and guide your daughter on this frontier has never been more important.

Remember, our goal is to support our children in growing up healthy and whole. Let’s work together to create environments where they can thrive.

P.S. Here is the article if you’d like to read it.  Also, consider buying The Digital Fast, by Darren Whitehead if you need some encouragement in stepping into a device and social media fast as a family or if you want to encourage it in your church.

Being the best dad I can be,

Jonathan Pitts
President, For Girls Like You Ministries