Honored to have today’s guest post by author Arlene Pellicane! Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Family Life Today, K-LOVE, Better, The 700 Club, Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah, and TLC’s Home Made Simple.
Friends, after you read this post you will want to get your hands on a copy of Arlene’s newest book Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (co-authored with Gary Chapman)!
Guest post by Arlene Pellicane
I was on my computer when Noelle, seven, asked, “Mom, how do you make friends?” Since I was on a social networking site, I assumed she meant online friends.
“No, real friends,” she replied.
I was relieved that she wanted to make real friends!
I turned away from my computer and looked her in the eye. My mom talk about friendship was forming. “You make friends by being a good friend. You are kind to someone and go out of your way to make them feel special. You ask questions about their life. You are genuinely interested in them.”
Noelle asked, “Do you say, ‘I want to be your friend’? Maria in school says you have to know someone for two days before you can be friends.”
I smiled. “I’m not sure how it works for second graders,” I admitted. “For adults, we don’t say ‘I want to be friends’ but we act in a friendly way and then become friends. There’s not a rule that says you have to know someone two days to be friends, but it is true that the longer you know someone, the closer you become as friends.”
“Let’s role play,” I said. “My name is Mommy, what is your name?”
Hearing the conversation, big brother Ethan chimed in. “I met two kids afterschool today. Jeff was in fourth grade and Sean was in sixth. And I initiated!” he said proudly.
Children need our guidance when it comes to forming healthy friendships. Home is the ideal place to role play and train children to succeed in their relationships. Take time out to answer questions about friendship.
My husband James has been teaching our kids to initiate conversations and learn names at school (thus Ethan’s pride at meeting those two boys). Don’t underestimate the role you can play in teaching your child what it means to be a good friend.
The play dates of yesterday were filled with building block castles, making forts, playing store, and dressing up in costumes. The play dates of today are often dominated by screen time.
One friend introduces another friend to her favorite television show.
Boys play video games together.
Instead of talking and imagining together, kids are sitting next to each other, sharing a handheld device or holding their own.
There are plenty of opportunities to use technology, but play dates with friends are special and harder to come by with a family’s busy schedule. Don’t allow your children to waste that time on screens. Before the play date, make sure your child and the guest understand: there will be no screen time. After all, becoming good friends happens best face to face.
Healthy friendships don’t happen automatically. They take practice. Not on screens, but face to face.
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About the book:
In Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (Northfield Publishers) parents are reminded that they, not technology, are still responsible for educating their children about having healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (co-authored with Gary Chapman), 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. Visit Arlene at www.ArlenePellicane.com for free family resources including a monthly Happy Home podcast.
