Boys 101: What Your Daughter Needs to Know Now

We talk about girls a lot here…Well, because that is all we know! But not today! I am thrilled to introduce you to Kathy Helgemo and Melinda Means from Rewire my Heart so that we can talk about our girls and boys…from some Momma’s who have raised them both! These are 5 lessons about your girls and boys that you can’t afford to miss…

by: Kathy Helgemo and Melinda Means

Mothering from scratch teen girls boysLaying a solid foundation before your girl reaches the teen years can make a huge difference in how she relates to boys. A little information can go a long way for her — and for you, as her mom.

How do we know? We have a few of those blessed creatures God calls teenage boys. Four between us to be exact. As moms to both teenage boys and girls, we’ve received quite an education. We haven’t aced the test. But we’d like to think we could help set the curve if we had the chance.

We’ve gleaned plenty of insight from our boys’ sometimes sweet, sometimes horrifying, but always enlightening conversations in our homes, minivans and dugouts. Information that we feel can be very useful in the raising of our…daughters.

That’s right. Our daughters.

The bottom line is this: our daughters can learn what she needs to know about boys in order to earn and demand respect from the boys she will encounter in her life.

Here’s some simple lessons that we can teach our daughters right now:

Lesson #1: Her purity deserves protection.

What is “purity” exactly? It’s not just about her body. It’s about all of her being: spiritual, physical, emotional and intellectual. Our job as her mom is to protect her — for as long as we can. We understand that there are limitations to our influence eventually, but let’s fight hard.

How can we do this? We can protect her purity in practical ways, like through clothing choices and exposure to poor media habits. We have to remember that unless our daughter has a full-time job or is independently wealthy, her clothes do not magically appear in her closet. Stay hyper-vigilant about helping her stay modest.

Boys are assaulted with images left and right of scantily clad girls and women. Our daughters’ can wield their femininity as a weapon against their own virtue. As moms, we need to make our daughter’s smile the first thing boys notice about her appearance — not her beautiful, blossoming body.

The movies, television and Internet sources she is exposed to can be within our control for as long as we choose. One of the best things we can do is to model this area of chastity in our own lives. We can’t control what she is exposed to outside our homes as much as what is within it, but we owe it to them to stand our ground.

It’s important to cultivate this mindset from the time they are preschoolers. Our culture will constantly oversexualize them. When my (Melinda) daughter was little, she begged for Bratz dolls. I wouldn’t buy them — or anything similar to them — because I didn’t want to encourage or idealize the image that they projected. As an 18-year-old she still remembers that. Although she says she thinks it was “silly,” she got the message and it has stuck with her. (Kathy) When I was a teenager, I really had no limits with regard to clothing or media. That meant exposure to too much, too soon and a warped sense of my femininity. For these reasons, we have chosen to fight hard in this area to protect our daughters.

Lesson #2: Men and fathers are valuable and important.

How are we, as mothers and women, relating to the men in our lives? If we primarily communicate negativity or a dismissive attitude, we undermine our daughter’s respect for boys. Her view of them will become tainted and expectations become lowered. She may become more likely to accept behavior and treatment from them that is unacceptable.

(Kathy) I grew up with a single mom until the age of 10. I am so thankful that my mother chose to date and marry a virtuous man who eventually became my stepfather. It spoke volumes to me as a pre-adolescent watching him court, woo and treat her like the amazing feminine creature she is. Although I made some poor choices at first in dating relationships, I (thankfully!) found a man who treated me with the same regard.

Lesson #3: They are worth being pursued.

In our current culture, boys aren’t given much of a chance to pursue a girl’s company. We don’t want our daughters to become the subject of boy conversations about girls who seem desperate for attention. We’ve overhead this kind of chatter in our minivans and homes from teenage boys. It’s not pretty.

The girls that are being too aggressive clearly don’t value themselves enough to be pursued. Boys know it. They understand very early how much a girl values herself by how much attention-getting behavior she exhibits.

There’s a big difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness. Socially assertive behavior in girls is admirable! A girl with strong values is to be celebrated, especially when she’s expressing positive political or biblical values. When relating to boys, being too aggressive can truly backfire. These lines aren’t clear, especially in today’s society. Educating her about the difference between the two is vital. Consistently pointing her to what God says about her incredible worth to Him will help her view herself as someone who is worthy of being pursued and respected.

Lesson #4: High standards command respect.

As they get older, our daughters often fight our rules and protection. They want to feel grown up. Independent. And while all of that is normal and healthy, we can’t back down when it comes to the standards of people who have her in their care or company.

Our high standards command respect for her company. Too much freedom tells her and others that her parents don’t care. Our daughters will thank us later that we didn’t hand them over to just anyone. This commands respect in others’ minds, and her towards herself. As she grows into adulthood, she is more likely to adopt those high standards in her relationships.

Lesson #5: You enjoy her company.

What does this have to do with boys? Well, again, it helps her feel valued and appreciated. Our time and willingness to make sacrifices to be with our girls — even when they’re being difficult — speaks volumes. If our daughters feel honored and respected in our family, they’re less likely to look for validation and attention outside of it.

Girls must be treasured. They want to feel beautiful. We can make sure that they feel that way in our presence and in their own homes. This strengthens their character and helps them be resilient. Our genuine affection of them keeps them strong. So, love ‘em up!

Okay, moms, class dismissed.

Don’t worry, there won’t be a surprise pop quiz. No final exam.

Whew!

Just a challenge to love our daughters, teach them about that wonderful world of boys and where they can fit into their beautiful lives.

on Jesus to carry thMothering From Scracth Book Coverem through the journey.

Their book Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style that Works for You and Your Family is available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Christian Book Distributors, as well as bookstores nationwide.

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