While social media is the norm now, it doesn’t have to be for our kids. I remember a Christian Counselor, SissyGoff, saying on her podcast @raisingboysandgirls to wait as long as possible to start all that for our kids.

Our girls are forming their identities when they’re young. They’re so vulnerable to comparison and feeling like they need to fit in. Social media just intensifies that. In elementary school, middle school and early grades in high school, so much of a girl’s worth and who she is hang on what other people think (and many times years beyond that- even as adults we grapple with that.)

It can be detrimental for our kids to be on social media, playing the comparison game, always wondering what others think of them, or trying to present themselves in a certain way that they waste so much time and lose sight of who they are, not even having a chance to find out who they are because they get lost in others’ thoughts of them.

In a girl’s growing up years, she is forming her identity and her inner voice is developing. I do not want my daughter’s inner voice to become the voice of social media. I want her inner voice to be HER voice. So as she gets older she can make her own decisions apart from others. So she knows who she is and what she stands for. So she is able to grow in confidence and not have it stunted. And so she leans less toward wanting others’ approval and acceptance.

Yes, these are things we can all grapple with apart from social media, but social media adds so many hurdles and intensifies the process. Imagine you were preparing to run a marathon and you trained for months, developing yourself as a runner. Then someone put up hurdles throughout the second half of the race. That would make it so much more difficult and strenuous.

Let’s go against culture and remove those barriers and hurdles. We can offer a space in growing up that does not include social media – that instead, is about connecting with friends live, and giggling, and learning to work through disagreement, communicating face to face, and just being a kid.

My kids have school computers as they are required to use technology as a part of their daily work in their middle school. They also have gabb watches where I can contact them or they can call their friends or voice text, but it does not have the internet or social media. It would be difficult to completely avoid technology and there are many benefits to it. As parents we can really begin to show our kids how to manage it well and how to have boundaries with devices so they are not thrown into society as an adult, having to figure it out on their own.

However, social media is different – it’s an area that could greatly benefit our kids to hold off on. I’m not saying what every family should do and at what age something should be allowed. That’s for each family to decide and every child is so different. But, I do think it’s really, REALLY important to look at the maturity level of our kids to determine that. A friend of mine let her kids decide junior or senior year in high school if they wanted to have social media. I know that might seem crazy to many, but she said that her kids were able to see the constant drama that surrounded social media and were so glad to not be a part of it. By the time they could be on it, they didn’t want to be.

As a youth gets older, they might decide to be on social media at some point when they’re mature. But in the meantime, let’s show our kids what it looks like to have real friendships, real conversations, by giving them opportunities to be with friends, IN PERSON. It’s so important to laugh and be silly and to be a kid and to enjoy the simple things.

Our kids might feel like they’re missing out, but if you can tell them that really, the kids on social media are missing out because there are so many exciting things happening around us while others are tied to their screens. Let them know…Live your life! Don’t watch others’ lives on a screen.

We. Do. Not. have to do what culture does. Jesus never cared what culture thought.

He cared what the right thing to do was. When he wasn’t supposed to heal on the sabbath, He did, because it was right. When everyone cared so much about being accepted, he told his followers to “shake the dust off their feet and leave that town” if someone didn’t welcome them. When the Pharisees called Jesus out for healing, He called them hypocrites.

Jesus didn’t care what people thought.

And we don’t need to care what culture thinks either.

We need to care most about our kids’ hearts and mental state. That. Comes. First.

What brings your kids life?

What makes them laugh?

What makes them smile and just be themselves?

Do more of that.

And, if you can find other parents who think similarly and other kids who are of a similar mindset, that can be huge in your children not feeling like they are missing out or being left out. Good friends they can relate to make a world of difference.

Lord, we pray you would give us wisdom in this world of technology. Help us to navigate it and do what is best for our kids, regardless of what culture does. We pray for great opportunities for our kids to be kids, and to find joy in simple things. We pray for great friendships for our kids as well that would encourage them to be who they are and who You want them to be. We pray they would be lights for you and for what really matters. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

*If you’re looking for a device to get in touch with your kids that doesn’t have social media on it, the Gabb watch has worked great for my kids.