When it comes to parenting and raising kingdom kids, I believe a primary principle has to be this: There is no quality time without quantity time.
I cringe every time I hear parents say that their schedules are really full, so they make a great effort to spend “quality time” with their children. Think what this idea would look like if transferred to another area of life. What if the star quarterback Peyton Manning decided that since he was already pretty good that he only needed to prepare 25 minutes a day. What do you think would happen to his team, or even the atmosphere and attitudes of those around him? Of course this isn’t the case, as Manning has a reputation for being one of the most dedicated players in the NFL often putting in more hours than those around him whether it be practicing or studying game film, or plays.
Unfortunately, while we would tolerate this attitude that “quality time” is better than “quantity time” in no other profession or endeavor—certainly not in professional football—we have no trouble shortchanging our parenting and calling it “quality time.”
Parents, that is simply not the case. In order to foster an atmosphere of healthy communication in your home, there first has to be plenty of opportunities and exposure to communication. Family communication takes work and skill, and you can’t develop those skills if you’re not present.
In our family, when the kids were still at home, we found that one of the best places for family communication was the kitchen table. It’s a time when we are all together, we are all relaxed and we are enjoying a shared meal. It’s a great time to catch up on the events of the day, and to discover what is pressing on the hearts of all involved. But the table isn’t just for meal time.
I encourage you to develop the habit of letting the table be a place where communication occurs, you will find that you frequently go there to talk even at other times of the day. Maybe you’ll grab a cup of coffee or a quick snack with your son or daughter and it will turn into a great time of conversation. Even now that our children are grown adults, I still find them coming over to gather around the table to talk about whatever is on their hearts. They have come to see this as a place where they have my undivided attention, and they value it. I value it with them as well.
What about your home? Are your kids around the table? Do they look forward to coming home because their parents will be at dinner tonight? Or are you rarely there? Do they know they’ll have your attention when they are talking to you, or are you busy texting or on the phone with someone from work?
It’s true that communication isn’t always effortless and easy. One of your children might be easier to talk to than another, or there could be an age range that lends itself to deeper communication than others. But regardless of the investment it takes to create an atmosphere for healthy communication, it is worth it.
~Tony, Raising Kingdom Kids
“Raising Kingdom Kids” is a book for every dad or mom who wants to fulfill the parenting role God has given them—not just in raising healthy kids intellectually, physically, and socially, but in contributing to their child’s relationship with God and alignment under His plan.” For more information, visit RaisingKingdomKids.org.
Dr. Tony Evans is one of the country’s most respected leaders in evangelical circles. As a pastor, teacher, author and speaker, he serves the body of Christ through his unique ability to communicate complex theological truths through simple, yet profound, illustrations. While addressing the practical issues of today, Dr. Evans is known as a relevant expositor. New and veteran pastors alike regard him as a pastor of pastors and a father in the faith.
